literature

The Carer [Part 7]

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Everyone’s cured, Heddy and Dodie found a place so they’re not here, the only odd thing is that it’s half term so Marina’s here too. Oh, and I now have Phil to keep me company, to keep me sane. Phil is amazing, no seriously he is like an angel. He’s over most days; going out for walks with us, helping me to cook meals, giving me someone to talk to, and being like another brother. I didn’t realise I was struggling before Phil started helping me, but now I’m actually sleeping for more than 5 hours a day because I can have naps if I’ve been up during the night because Phil’s there to look after the others. With an extra pair of hands the usual nightmare of the holidays is completely erased, making them pleasurable.

We’re watching telly now, me and him. It’s cold so we’re cuddling up together, in a platonic way, nothing more (unfortunately). His chest is comfy to rest my head on, and he plays with my curly hobbit hair. It feels comforting, it feels lovely. He smells slightly of girls, apparently owing to his girls shower gel, but it’s a nice smell which I can associate with him. He smells of safety. He’s the only one who ever looks after me, yet another reason why I think he’s the perfect specimen of a human being.

He’s so lovely to the others as well. I heard Lily refer to him as “my brother Phil” the other day, and Ben regularly calls him “Uncle Phil”. He’s like the missing member of the family. He even has helped get Jemima out of her shell, they went for a walk together the day before yesterday, to talk things over. I don’t know exactly what happened, but what I do know is that she came and spoke to me later that day and she went out with friends this morning. Phil’s fixing our family, and I will be forever grateful.

Of course, he can’t fix the lack of proper parents in this house. Mum’s as drunk as ever, but at least she hasn’t brought another guy home and tried to introduce him as our dad. I’m just keeping my fingers crossed that she doesn’t get pregnant again, because newborns wear me out. Although, maybe it won’t be so bad if I have Phil there to help. Honestly, my whole outlook on life has been changed by just the mere thought of Phil.

I also like the thought of being in a relationship with Phil. I mean, I know we cuddle and stuff but the idea of holding hands and kissing is just so cute. I can’t describe it, but I feel like it would complete me. But I am NEVER going to initiate such a thing, because I don’t want to force Phil into anything. It’s amazing that he’s stayed with me as a friend, and I think it would kill me if I lost him. He gives me a best friend to talk to at school, at home, whenever. I’m not getting rid of PJ, but he’s just more than Peej ever has been.

“You okay, Dan?” Phil asks, I guess because I’ve been quiet for a while.
“Yeah just... thinking really”
“Oooh thinking? Thinking about what?” he continues, like an overexcited puppy. An adorable puppy at that. The perfect kind of puppy. Gosh what am I saying?
“Just... stuff!” I say and, when prompted by Phil, I add “Mostly about you.”
“About me, why me? You better not be bitching about me mister! I mean... bitching about me in your head.” He giggles. He’s so cute, the way he thinks out loud.
“I’m not bitching!” I squeak.
“What then? Come on, I’m not going to hate you or anything!”

As I sit silent for a moment, he leans over and pecks me on the cheek. Without thinking, I turn around and return the kiss, right on his lips. Well, now I’ve blown it haven’t I? Completely blown any chance of friendship that I had. Although maybe I haven’t, because Phil starts to kiss back. I’d like to say that I see fireworks, feel electricity, but that doesn’t happen because I know that that doesn’t exist. But it does feel perfect, it does feel like something that was meant to happen (even though that sounds super cheesy). I pull back after a moment, searching his eyes for some sort of recognition.

“Hey, I was enjoying that!” he giggles, pressing his lips to mine once more.
“Danny...” a whimper comes from the doorway, and I turn around to see Lily in the doorway, in her nightie.
“Hey Lily sweet, you okay?” I ask, shuffling slightly away from Phil and opening out my arms to let her into a big hug.
“Nightmare” she whispers. I comfort her for a moment, before scooping her up into my arms and carrying her back up to her room, as she yawns loudly.
“Hey, you know that nothing can hurt you, right, because I’m here to protect you!” I say, tucking her under the covers.
“Dan... do you love Phil?” she asks, sleepily.
“Yeah, I s’pose I do kiddo.” I say, kissing her forehead.
“That’s good... I like Phil. He won’t leave us like daddy will he?”
“I’m sure he won’t Lils. G’night”
“Night night!”

I get up, and leave the room to find Phil standing outside the doorway. He hugs me tightly, grinning.

“I love you too, And no I’m not ever leaving you and your family, I love them too” he whispers in my ear.

I know one thing, now. I’m never going to be alone again, because I have a family. I have Rosa, Lily, Marina, Thomas, Ben, Jemima and Phil. We aren’t your conventional family, but we are a family. And I might be their carer, but Phil is there too to help me so I won’t be pushed over the edge or anything. And I have a friend in school, so everything is amazing. I might not have parents who really care for me, I might have a drunk mum and no idea where my dad is, but I have Phil. And now all that matters is Phil.

And the best part is that I matter to him too.
Le finale!
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EJwhiskers's avatar
okay i didn't want to read it because it was too perfect to end and it was so cute and i just